Choosing Our Speed

It’s ok to admit that even we who are supposed to be part of leading this movement, struggle ourselves to do exactly what we are sharing with and teaching to others. We must give ourselves grace when we fall short, because we are all human, and learning and growing, too.

It’s sure been awhile since I’ve written an On My Mind or been able to write to you all!

Maybe not unlike you, the last few weeks have been full—way too full. The plate has been overflowing. And too full and exhausting to allow for the space to even reflect. Can you relate?

My own exhaustion has forced me to stop and do a real honest reality check in with myself. What is going on? Am I burned out? Overcommitted? Emotionally exhausted? Depressed? Sick?

My honest answer is perhaps a little of all of these.

I’m normally enthusiastic, brimming with energy, passion, creativity, and motivation. I have been the opposite, and this has forced me to take pause, and take stock of my life – and of the choices I am making in my life and work.

I want to share what I reflected on with my own wonderful coach recently, and what has made a significant difference in my life since then – in case this could be of use and service to you.

My plate is full – super full – of work I am deeply passionate about. All of which aligns with my deep purpose of being part of our cultural transformation in medicine – especially for physicians, and for women. All of it, is important. Meaningful. And touches and helps so many people. I hear each day from people that they are moved, touched, inspired, and that some part of this work has changed their lives. What is more important than this?

This work is deeply worthy, and I am so grateful to be a part of it.

And yet, leading so many projects and initiatives, and wearing so many “hats” can sometimes be too much. I continue to work on and set boundaries, and to say “no.” Sometimes cutting something out completely doesn’t feel in integrity with who we are. And we don’t feel guilty to others – but instead feel guilty to ourselves for not honoring our own values and purpose in letting a piece of our plate go.

So instead, for now, here is what I reflected on recently, what I’m putting into practice daily, and what has already made a significant difference.

Everything on our plate can’t receive our equal attention and energy. And I’m not and have never been able to be a “bare minimum” kind of person – and I know that you aren’t, too. When I do something that means a lot to me, I give it my all. I push to the top of the speed limit.

And, this just doesn’t work over the long term when our Thanksgiving Plate is overflowing with food, even when it’s incredible, delicious, meaningful and wonderful food.

Instead, I’ve set the intention to give each role and “hat” I wear, a speed. 20 miles an hour. No more, no less. This is what most of what I’m doing now will get from me, at this time in my life, right now. Because I must be ok and rested to do any of this work. To be remotely effective in anything I seek to help do or create. We can’t create or lead, with any efficacy, when we’re completely exhausted.

There will be times when one role will get and require 65 miles an hour. Another role will need to run at 35 miles an hour. And once these periods have run their course, these roles will go back to intentionally running at 20 miles an hour. In the background. Not gone completely, but intentionally running requiring only 20 miles an hour of my energy.

I’ve also set some intentional boundaries on the one part of my life that repeatedly takes over – the Wellness role of my job – and that I’m most passionate about. This role is never-ending. There’s never enough time, energy, or resources for this work. Healing burnout and our professional culture of medicine is like rowing a small dingy out to sea. 

I removed the work email app from my phone two weeks ago. Doing this was like ripping off an old, crusty Band-Aid. And this has been life-changing! I couldn’t do it before. For the last 42 years of my life, I’ve never intentionally removed work email from my phone, because I just couldn’t do it yet. I wasn’t ready. The FOMO was too strong and too real. 

And now that I’ve done it, of course I can’t believe it took me this long.

Sometimes we must create forced, hard intentional boundaries when we struggle to emotionally disconnect – even from something we love, that is our Why, our passion and our purpose. It’s ok to admit that even we who are supposed to be part of leading this movement, struggle ourselves to do exactly what we are sharing with and teaching to others. We must give ourselves grace when we fall short, because we are all human, and learning and growing, too.

What speed will you give each item on your plate? How will you intentionally protect and conserve your own precious energy – so that you can be the remarkable human being and leader you have the capacity to be?

Give yourself the grace and compassion you need most. 

With much love to you all, dear friends.