We hear the words “Change Agent,” “Firestarter,” and “Leader,” seemingly everywhere. What do these words really mean?

To me, these phrases and words have always sounded lofty and grand, like we must be something or someone fancy. That someone else had to grant us this title, or a job, or position, before we could have the permission to call ourselves a “Leader.”

It’s sure been awhile since I’ve written an On My Mind or been able to write to you all! Maybe not unlike you, the last few weeks have been full—way too full. The plate has been overflowing. And too full and exhausting to allow for the space to even reflect. Can you relate?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the power of committing to one, singular vision.

I’ve been deeply inspired by the story of William Wilberforce, Great Britain’s leader of the abolitionist movement at the turn of the 18th century. He began as a young 21-year-old man in parliament in 1784 and led the campaign for the abolishment of the British Slave Trade for over 20 years, until the passage of the Slave Trade Act of 1807. The British slave trade was ultimately abolished in 1833, just three days before Wilberforce’s death.

These last two weeks have been a whirlwind. With the TEDx talk finally coming out, and multiple chances to speak and share a message of hope and inspiration with others, it’s been a powerful two weeks.

As I sit here typing, I’m 24 hours away from giving a TEDx talk!

A year ago, I never could have imagined I would be here. I only could have dreamed of giving a TEDx talk. And now, tomorrow doesn’t even feel scary (ok, a little). A combo of nervous and excited – Nervicited!

It’s been quite a few weeks. Wonderful, soul-filling, rejuvenating, and physically exhausting. Maybe like you, too, my plate is so overflowing and full! And full of wonderful, deeply meaningful things I am so passionate about.

Those of you who have been following along know that the last couple of months have been a time of change and transition for me. It’s been unsettling, uncomfortable, and stressful. And liberating.

I find it fascinating how the changing up of our circumstances has the potential to open so many doors, perspectives, and opportunities – and enable growth, in the process. It has felt quite like going through the wringer, a time of existential crisis, of taking stock and re-evaluating my purpose, what’s most important to me, and how I want to contribute. And it has been such a gift.

It’s been quite a couple of weeks as I write this. The layoffs continue as we try to right size the huge financial losses that are almost universal across U.S. healthcare. It’s been a scary time.

I wrote about the Long Game earlier this summer, and again it is so present in my mind these past few days. With the reality of our nation’s healthcare industry’s dire financial situation, hard choices have had to be made. And with it, the cutting of thousands of jobs, including some of our biggest champions of wellness.

I've spent this past week immersed in a week-long course with fellow Chief Wellness Officers, learning from the world's experts in physician wellness, and surrounded with like-minded people. This photograph above is of one of the gorgeous sunsets we experienced together this week.

Why does negative feedback hurt so much?

I have been reflecting a lot about what it is that keeps us humble, and honest, in our work and our lives.

Questions I often find myself asking myself are,

What keeps me honest in my work? What keeps me grounded?

What am I not admitting to myself, or am I pretending not to see?

One woman usually carries multiple roles. We are managers, leaders, and mentors at work, and then perhaps mothers, wives, and partners at home. If single, we are friends, sisters, and perhaps the go-to person for various community or family projects. Regardless of the details, we have been raised and socialized to assume that we can have full, demanding careers during the day, and then make sure that nutritious dinners are served, that our homes are spotless, and that our families are safe and sleeping soundly.

I think there is no way to fully express the emotions we have all experienced over the last few weeks. With Omicron finally subsiding, but now a different kind of war consuming our hearts and minds, how do we process all we are seeing and experiencing, right now?

We hear the phrase “self-care” a lot. But what does it really mean?

When my fellow physician colleagues hear someone recommend or emphasize more “self-care” there is often an initial gut reaction of eye rolling and “Give me a break. Stop telling me to do more yoga or meditation to fix my burnout. Getting a massage won’t fix my burnout.”

My word for 2021 was Trailguide – and then ultimately became Trailguide Gardener.

The image of me embodying a trailguide is deeply tied to my early college experiences backpacking in the New Hampshire White Mountains in BOLT (Brown Outdoor Leadership Training) as a BOLT participant, then BOLT group leader, and then BOLT leader trainer. This was the first time I was exposed to the kind of leadership I now have such a deep need and affinity for. The kind of leadership I admire, long to be led by, and desire to model for others.